Friday funnies....
Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2014 11:41 am
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her
part.·
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.·
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.·
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going
to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself,
I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Bugger it, soldier
on!"·
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last
night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.·
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"·
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay??!!"·
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."·
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.·
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look
like she's moving during sex.
night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her
part.·
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I
should have taken them off.·
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night or "foreplay" as
she likes to call it.·
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going
to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself,
I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Bugger it, soldier
on!"·
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last
night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.·
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her,
"Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"·
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now
you want me to stay??!!"·
A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the
priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."·
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this
country so that they can see their own doctor.·
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look
like she's moving during sex.
Texans lead......Canadians follow. 